Experts

"Dear Lord, please give me the patience to not bitch slap these new young quilters who insist that there's only one RIGHT way to quilt: Their freaking way. AMEN"

I am getting pretty sick of this line: "Well, I've been quilting for two years and this is the ONLY RIGHT way to do this technique."

Spoken like a true four year old.

My version: "There's no right way or wrong way to do anything in the quilt making process, so do what works best for you. Here's what works best for me.........."

Freaking ill mannered snobs are what ticked me off when I first started quilting and it looks like another generation is proliferating. How sad for them and for anyone who believes them.

Immigration

Unless your ancestors are 100% native to this country going all the way back to before Columbus arrived, shut your mouth about illegal immigration. Just shut it.

Image Courtesy of Matilda-1

Mass Media is Stupidity Times 1,000

Millions and millions of United States Citizens are completely without a single health care resource, suffering and dying on an hourly basis, and the national media focuses on two individuals who wish to forgo treatment. Somebody slap me.

Monetize your Blog!

Guess what it tells me about you when I land on your blog and have to scroll halfway down the page of ads just to see who you are and what you are about?

It tells me you'd rather sell me something than talk to me.

Can you hear the door slam as I leave your blog?

Seriously. Think that tactic over before you do it, because what it says to me is "I want to make a buck offaya and I don't wanna waste a lotta effort doin' it"

See ya.

There's much to much great content on the internet for me to even waste the effort of scrolling down past that crap. You didn't sell me anything and I'll never get to know you. Your loss.

If, OTOH, you write great stuff, post interesting photos and have some interesting ads on the side or bottom of your blog, well, that might interest me ... because now I know you and I know if we have something in common.

What do the ads on your blog say about you?

Twidiots

OMG - I just *don't get* Twitter! I am on it, and I use it to keep up with: my daughter, a few quilters friends, a handful of bloggers that I like. Stuff that makes me either think or smile. Both is a bonus!

OTOH, I get messages almost hourly that some bozo "hoo cant spel" and types stuff like "i no yur biz" or "teh cat just puked" have started following me. Eh??? Why?

Oops, I found out that "you're supposed to follow someone if they follow you ..." NOT HAPPENING.

I cannot force myself to read that misspelled drivel and I have *no* intention of following an idiot just because they follow me. What the hell is that all about anyway? I just don't get it.

Timing is Everything

Why do Girl Scout cookies go on sale right when I start noticing the thunder thighs I've grown over the winter?

Wipeout!

Women. Bloggers. It's bound to happen sooner or later. I don't know if it's a menopause meltdown or just plain old self centeredness, but "As The Blog Turns", in full barfing, self pitying, chest beating, "who are my real friends" crybabying keyboard shitfest has begun on a blog I used to read.

I don't accept the invitation to that princess pity party. Thanking GOD, Hewlett Packard and Microsoft for the DELETE key. Delete from blog ring, delete from Facebook. Can someone email me the delete from brain cells link?

HGTV Hideous

Only HGTV could promote a room as totally hideous as this! Am I the only one who notices that the HGTV Emperor has no taste? Look at this photo in an email newsletter they sent me, it was the Feature Article!

First of all, those painted cabinets - what were they thinking? Next, the tiled back splash with the lovely white electric outlet cover design element. For crying out loud! If, and I do mean if, you have to keep cheap electric outlet plates (and they don't so there's no excuse here...) then make them part of the design element! Blue tiles set on point with crappy white rectangular electric plate covers - it doesn't work. Poor Mr. Blackwell. Must be rolling in his grave. He wouldn't ask for a glass of water in this kitchen.

What did they do right? The island has an interesting design. I'm afraid I'm old enough to remember 1970's Avacado Green so that countertop makes me want to puke, but view the photo in black and white to get past that and the design has potential.

Thanks HGTV for cracking me up!

Things that make me laugh

I love learning, and I seek it out in odd places. Books, classes, other people (pretty normal); internet and wikipedia (getting to be normal) and The Straight Dope. More specifically, The Straight Dope Message Boards (SDMB to those in the know). On these boards I find wisdom and facts from intellectual leaders and spam from snot nosed idiots. You gotta take the bad with the good when you're paying nothing... And there's a lot more intelligence than stupidity because the members come down on jerks (not people asking an honest question; jerks trying to be jerkish) like a ton of tarantulas.

And then there's the Pit. Ya takes ya chances when you post there, but by God, I get my best laughs there. Like this guy, kinda peeved about something, but not red-faced and squelching, as he explains in his own words "...It's not necessarily that irksome; but let's not put lipstick on a pig and call it a VP candidate, it is stupid."

I just about spit out my juice! Hehehehe. I'll be using that line as much as I can in the future :)

Not all Alaskans support Palin

I stopped telling people where I am from when traveling. I dislike discussing politics with anyone, I am one of those people who is deeply and quietly thankful to all of the souls who have given and sacrificed to create this wonderful country and I fear for it's future if it is turned over to a woman who has an utter lack of experience and morals to intelligently lead this diverse nation in the years ahead. She needs to go back to Wasilla and take care of her own family, her most important job and responsibility, which she's forsaken in her greed for the spotlight.

No Bailout! - with Links

Read an economist (NOT politician's!) view here. Google your senator and congressional represenatative's name and send him/her an emal - NO BAILOUT!

Here's the CEO of BB&T: “This is a housing value crisis,” Allison wrote. “It does not make economic sense to purchase credit card loans, automobile loans, etc. The government should directly purchase housing assets, not real estate bonds. ...

He adds the primary beneficiaries of the proposed rescue are Goldman Sachs Group Inc. (NYSE:GS) and Morgan Stanley (NYSE:MS). The U.S. Treasury, he says, is “totally dominated by Wall Street investment bankers,” and “cannot be relied on to objectively assess all the implications of government policy on all financial intermediaries.”

Allison also said it is “inappropriate that the debate is largely being shaped by the financial institutions who made very poor decisions.”

From a professor at Columbia, an economist: "The administration is once again holding a gun at our head, saying, "My way or the highway." We have been bamboozled before by this tactic. We should not let it happen to us again. There are alternatives."

Guess who is paying all the Representatives and Senators that are voting FOR the bailout....you guessed right!! Wall street bankers who created this phoney crisis!

I am guessing that these same banks own a few newspapers...... Remember Chicken Little - - just because they say the sky is falling doesn't mean that it is - it only means that their sky and their golden parachutes are falling.....boo hoo for them.

Did you notice that the day after the bailout vote of NO that stocks rose half again!! What part of the sky is falling is that? How much media coverage did THAT get???

And speaking of stupid ideas that are all out insane for America......

I cry every night for what a joke this nation has become, in my lifetime. I am ashamed of us.

Goals

I've read some pretty motivational books about setting goals (Jack Canfield) and I know that it works - for me anyway. Long term, short term, daily, weekly, annually. I make lists, write on the calendar, post reminders to myself and I repeat my mantra "yes, I can get all this done. It's easy" and usually it is. I am also a procrastinator. I have a big goal coming up, for a project I've repeatedly work on and then set aside, for 10 years. I now have 113 days left and only 1/3 of the project done (in draft). Hehehehe. I like a little pressure too, that's why I procrastinate. Let's see if I cross this finish line on time.

Dingbats

I wonder if I am disparaging a real animal when I call some "quilt designers" dingbats? These idiots think they can draft up a Roman Square and call it their own design. What bullshit.
and, get this, they email me to see if I'll advertise their crap. Copies of free totebag patterns being pawned off as "their pattern" complete with a price tag! Greedy, stupid cups of sour milk. Ignorant iron brains. And don't get me started on the ones who design stuff on EQ and don't even make the quilt and call it a pattern! It's not a pattern, it's clipart! What crap heads.

Mother Bear

I believe in letting kids learn. At times that means letting them get little hurts, to learn to avoid the big hurts. Every responsible parent will relate to this - it's harder on the parent watching their kids 'learn a lesson' than it is on the kid.

Someone went after my kid recently and I thought I was going to come out of my skin and rip his obnoxious freaking face off his skanky smarmy body. Oh. My. Goodness. I had to fight the tidal wave of 'protect my kid' and remember that she's a big girl and "don't interfere - she can handle it herself and she'll be stronger for it" but it was bad.

After a week I calmed down enough to write a very specific and to the point letter of complaint to the company that this man belongs to. I had damned well better receive satisfaction or all hell's gonna break loose. Stay tuned.

We both received acknowledgement of our experience, with apologies for any misunderstanding, along with some fabric. We'll give the fabrics away and move forward with a positive attitude.

Appreciation and Age

I reminded myself of how wonderful it is to be almost 50 years old. I was on an airplane, squeezing my size 14 rear end into a size 8 chair and I looked around me. I saw young mothers and mothers of teens and I said a few words of Thanks. It went like this "I am so grateful that I don't have to struggle with a baby, entertain a toddler or reign in a teenager while stuck on this miserable plane ride".

I have had to do all of those, plus put up with a grown man (I think you know what that means) so I sat back in my chair and got as comfortable as I could and went to my happy thoughts of how pleasant my trip had been, how much I looked forward to being home again, and how peaceful it is to travel alone. Time flew.

Spring Quilt Market 2008 Portland, Oregon

I have been going to Quilt Market for 9 years and I have never seen so many small pattern designers pay thousands of dollars for travel, booth expenses and more and then sit on their asses in their booths and talk to their best friends while the business people they seek just walk on by. It was disgusting.

I was not the only buyer to walk away from Market saying "if I wanted to see quilters keeping their chairs warm I would have gone to a guild meeting".

I walked, talked, photographed (with permission) and posted to my new blog "Quilt News" just about anyone who got up or was already standing and gave me or my daughter a greeting and told us about their product or service. Good luck to you gals, you were working the show and making your investment pay off.

If you had a booth and were:

• sitting and eating
• sitting and chatting with your pal
• sitting and staring at the passing throng
• sitting and checking your email on your laptop
  
• sitting and looking at the Quilt Market Buyer's Guide

then you and your booth are NOT on my blog. I wanted to take pictures of you idiots but I didn't want to ask permission.

Several booths were doing a good business and we didn't want to interrupt them, so they are also not listed on the blog - not being listed doesn't mean you weren't doing well, but if any of the above strikes a chord, stay home and save your money. You're not a serious vendor.

Coming Soon! - NOT

I've had enough of unfinished websites. If you have taken the time to build or pay for a website for your business do it right and complete it. If you have a link that has a valid title, but the page just says "coming soon" take it down right now, today, this instant!

Let me tell you what "coming soon" means: I'm not coming back. I've clicked that link on your site several times since you "updated" your web, waiting for you to get your business together and I have come to the conclusion that you don't know what you are doing and that you are deliberately misleading me and I don't like it.

It's like going to a restaurant and getting comfortable in the booth, reviewing the nicely presented Menu and seeing your favorite item - just what you were hoping for - A Chocolate Shake! When the waitress comes you can hardly wait "Oooohhhh" you sigh. "I'd like one of your chocolate shakes, please" you tell her. "We don't have any shakes" she says as she takes the menu you are handing her. "Wait! It says right here" you exclaim as you snatch back the menu, flinging it open and pointing to the item. CHOCOLATE SHAKE

"Oh, sorry, we have the shake machine, we just haven't hooked it up yet" she tells you, quite clearly. "Wha wha why is it on the Menu?" you sob, heartbroken. "Oh, we printed those the day we got the shake machine a couple of months ago, we just haven't gotten around to hooking it up, that's all. Sorry."

If you say you have something, restaurant menu, web menu, I don't care which, you had better be prepared to serve it up when I ask for it or click on it. If you trick me with that "Coming Soon" crap I won't be coming back. I bet I'm not the only one.

Quilt Top

Or, in my words, that useless pile of fabric you think is a quilt. Here's the golden rule of quilts - it's not a quilt until it's quilted. PERIOD. A pile of tops is a waste of fabric. Let that sink in.

You have 3 choices and aren't you glad I'm here to help? Quilt it yourself. No excuses. Stitch it in the ditch if you can't do anything else and even a household pet can stitch in the ditch. Just do it.

You can't? You really can't? Then hire a quilter to do it. Oh, you couldn't pay someone to quilt your precious quilt? Did you pay for the fabric? The batting? The thread? The pattern? I think you see where this is going. Pay to have it quilted. Can't afford it? See option 1.

Can't do either? Give it away and switch to a quilt-as-you-go style. At least then you'll be a quiltmaker instead of a useless-pile-of-fabric-maker.

Blog Surfing

I love the internet but even more, I'm learning to love reading blogs! I've got some great bookmarks and access to blog rings and I waste more quality time there, reading blogs and looking at pictures, than I did watching tv.

I don't watch tv much anymore, I found it a huge waste of time and I *hated* the commercials. Now I just surf blogs that I like, and on almost every one of them I learn something new!

That's always been my second favorite entertainment activity anyway (reading being #1) I love to learn new stuff. I take classes for free from HP, I learn about all kinds of stuff I don't understand from Wiki or EHow, I belong to great lists of quilters who share their experiences and now I read the blogs of doers and learn how they do stuff! Some people are happy channel surfing on tv ~ give me a computer and mouse and I'm just as happy blog surfing.

What's Your Name?

I am a 'didiot'. That's my word. I do stuff, not always right and never perfect, but at least I tried and I usually keep at it, trying to get better and learn as I keep doing. I am an idiot who tried and did - didiot.

I know a lot of 'wannabums'. "I'm gonna...." is their mantra, while they sit on their bums. "Someday I wanna....". Get off your bum and DO IT. Don't waste your time by being a wannabum, try it out, do it, even if it's not perfect, and proudly call yourself a didiot. :)